Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize