new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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