yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
