Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
