last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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