It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
