Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
