so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
