Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
