i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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