If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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