I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
