I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
