You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
