I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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