is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
