No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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