My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
