Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize