i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
