I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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