$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
