i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want a musical about memes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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