the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
