took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I believe in your delicious
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
