Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
