My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Boobs are out for the taking
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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