I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
