So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
