I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
