So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
