What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize