Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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