I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tornado booty call.. dedication
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
