It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need moral support for this bender
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
