she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
