1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
