I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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