Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
