You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
