CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As shirtless as possible
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
