bring money and cleavage
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
