i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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