He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
