all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
