dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
