hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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