what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
