From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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