a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
