She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize