Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
