this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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