If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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