Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
