He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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