Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
