I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
