now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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